dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
