no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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