Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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