It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's get the cat blown out
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
