I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
