This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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