I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
