idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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