Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
