Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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