eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
