i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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