someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
