These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
