Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
