corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
