Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
