shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
