TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
