I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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