I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
