Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
