I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
