This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
