saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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