oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
