did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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