Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
