how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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