I could have mohawked her pubes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
