I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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