we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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