At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
