did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
