mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
