just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
