too bad you live with your parents still
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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