Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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