Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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