first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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