Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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