Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
