so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
