I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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