wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
