She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
