Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
