just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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