I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
