We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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