so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
