I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
