YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
