i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
