Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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