Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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