Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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