I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
