I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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