I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
